Fizzy Beer

Just Say No!
I had six bottles of San Miguel last night, spread over a six hour period. When I got home from the pub my princess complained that I could not open my mouth but a beery belch burst forth. Then as the beer moved down through my body, it began to explode from my bottom with great perfumed farts which disgusted her more.
She said, "If I lit a match in this room the air would explode around us! Please say Excuse Me! Better still get out of the bed and sleep on the sofa. "
Except I couldn't get out of the bed. The cramps in my thighs were unbearable.
"Here love," I said, "Rub my legs. I'm suffering from horrible cramps."
In the end she got up and slept on the sofa and left me to suffer alone.
She said, "You've made your bed, you can lie in it. But I'm not lying in it with you."