Court

When I was growing up in Liverpool we had a joke:
Q: What do you call a Scouser in a suit?
A: The defendant
Today I was the man in the suit. I was in a Small Claims Court, in rural Northern Ireland, bringing the case of the faded kitchen blinds to the attention of the local magistrate.
There are seven blinds in our farmhouse kitchen, and they cost an arm and a leg. When they started to fade, after a year, my princess took them back to the fancy place where she bought them; she was expecting the shop to replace the faded fabric...
But the owner of the shop refused to accept any responsiblity for the fading of the blinds. She said my princess had 'misused' them and that's why they'd started to fade.
She asked a solicitor for advice - who seemed defeated from the outset. He said, "It's not really that much money! It's not like it's a 10,000 pound leather sofa set that's faded..."
My princess is an emotional woman, especially when she thinks she's being cheated and patronised. It was decided I would take over the case, and she would take deep calming breaths.
Today the magistrate looked at my faded blinds. The shop repeated its intransigent stance that the blinds had been misused.
The magistrate said, "But the blinds are faded. Anyone can see that."
He awarded in my favour. The shop is going to replace the faded fabric.

Peace Process

I'm in Northern Ireland on business and it hasn't stopped raining since I arrived. The rain seems to be coming up from the ground as well as down from the sky. My feet are soaking and I'm chilled to the bone. I have theory - correct me if I'm wrong - that it's this bloody awful weather which makes everybody so sour and inflexible in Northern Ireland. It is my humble opinion that the peace process would have been much faster coming if the sun shone every day.

You Can't Fix Stupid

Mouthy Kids

It was the Abu Dhabi Mini's Rugby Tournament this week. We took a team of 15 boys. 10 dads travelled; we had one and a half boys to look after each. My extra half a boy was more trouble than my whole one son. To start with he said, "You're that rubbish coach from last year." Then he kept wandering off, and hiding from me. He wouldn't eat the food the rest of the boys were eating. He was interested in playing rugby for about two minutes.
I fail to understand why he came with us. He certainly spoiled my weekend, and I don't think he had much fun either.

Silver Lining

Now I'm installed in Head Office formal office hours have resumed. Which includes an hour off for lunch! Head office is five minutes drive from my house, and my princess works from home...
What is it about a lunchtime cuddle that sets a man up for the rest of the day?

MASH

Nine months ago I was working on a billion $ construction project. We had 3,750 field operatives and 200 members of staff.
Then we hit the iceberg – contract terminated!
We moved off site and took what valuables we could salvage to sell - the mechanical plant, plywood and small tools. We found the cheapest place to work from. It was the local Junk Yard.
At first it was abhorrent to me to be working in such a place. I could not bear the smell of burning tyres or the smell of the untreated sewage water used as a dust suppressant.
Today I received my call to go and work in Head Office. Suddenly I realised I've become fond of the Junk Yard. I will miss it terribly. This place has a unique feel to it. My faithful side kick is in tears (Photo Attached)
I feel like the surgeons from MASH (The Movie) heading back home after completing their tour. When they get to the camp prior to shipping they have no insignia, they are unshaven, they urinate on the front lawn.
I am also unshaven and I think I might have forgotten how to use a flushing toilet!