Thanks God

I've read a bit more of my diet book - and I quote:
Here are a few examples of items you can buy for your snack box at the office -
Dry sausage (aka boerwors).
Hurrah!

Dine Out and Lose Weight

Many thanks to the lovely Kate who has recommended this book. I've had a read and, by the cringe, did you know that 'one does not put on weight by eating too much, but by eating badly'?
All my bad eating habits (boerwors and white bread sandwiches, washed down with pints of beer) have wrecked my pancreas which is now belching out far too much insulin, like a car with a faulty exhaust.
The extra insulin goes mad digesting the fat in my diet, as well as the carbohydrate, and storing it in my 40" spare tyre.
Hey presto - one fat builder!
So what I've got to do is renovate my pancreas by re-educating my taste buds.
No more white bread sandwiches and butter. No more beer.
It doesn't say any thing about boerwors, but I'm sure it's no more boerwors too.
For the time being.

Maturity

I have come to terms with the fact I weigh 100Kg. And my waist is no longer 33".
Bloke in the gentleman's outfitter's shop said "40" sir", and I didn't argue with him. I tried on the pair of trousers he handed me. The curious thing is - I look thinner already, and in better shape wearing trousers that fit.
My princess has offered to cut out the label saying 40" wide and sew in one saying 33" - she thinks it will improve my mood, but now my tummy is no longer painfully squashed, I'm in a better mood already.

100kg

I told a little white lie when I wrote about my first trip to the gym. I said I weighed myself and nobody laughed. This is not true. What happened was I weighed myself, and I was so shocked by how much I weighed I started to laugh. Maniacally. For it was obviously some sort of joke. There was no way I weighed 100 Kg. The machine was broken, no doubt about it.
Except there is no doubt about it. I've now weighed myself on two different machines and I'm still weighing 100 Kg.

Gym

Today I joined the gym. It was all right. There were other fat blokes in there too. A couple were even fatter than me. Everybody was sweating. No one was making eye contact. I weighed myself on the scales, and nobody laughed.
I took it easy for it's been a while - rowed for 20 minutes, ran on the treadmill for 10.
Then I weighed myself again. Still weighed the same.

Broken Man

I am a broken man. Running around in 40 degrees, in a skin tight rugby jersey, carrying an extra couple of stone - what was I thinking? I could have had a heart attack, or a stroke. So exhausted after the game I couldn't even face a beer. Woke up in the middle of the night with cramp in my leg. Woke up this morning with gout in my foot.
If I was horse they'd shoot me.
I'm going to have to get fit in an air conditioned environment. I'm going to have to join a gym.

Rugby

Just off to play a game of rugby. Has this rugby jersey shrunk? I'm sure it fitted the last time I wore it.